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surprised as John that these traits of his are no longer appealing but become more annoying as they are redefined as too conservative, not spontaneous, and boring.
John may not have changed; his traits that were attractive to Sue at the start of the relationship are not,
in themselves, different. The change is in how those traits reflect (or no longer reflect) Sue’s inner world. Through the support and action of John’s attractive traits, Sue has had a shift in herself. This shift then creates an awakening that something has to change in order for the relationship to survive because the inner pattern in Sue that “needed” that outer picture or “trait” in her partner is no longer there.
At this point, John, who may or may not be investigating his own inner workings, is wondering what on earth happened. He may experience that the more he tries to improve the relationship by doing and being
the person with whom Sue fell in love in the first place, (steady, dependable etc.), the worse things get. In a conventional relationship, disaster lies ahead. Even if the couple remains together, there is little hope that both partners will be happy and feel they are truly seen, loved and appreciated.
In conscious coupling, this situation would be fuel for the passion work of deepening the connection between Sue and John. They would individually be looking inward to identify which pattern is being transformed, reflecting back to their partner how they are experiencing the changes within themselves and then incorporating the feedback from their partner to discern how well they are doing with their transformation. Since neither Sue nor John can do the inner work for the other, their focus is inward – making changes and adjustments to their own beliefs about themselves.
How do Sue and John know if the inner work they are doing is helpful? The result is reflected back to them in the balance and harmony they experience in the relationship. Does Sue feel seen and embraced for the new confidence she has? Is John able to use that strength in himself to shift into allowing vulnerability and receiving the gift of Sue’s newer expression of herself. Using the outer 3D picture of their relationship will map and guide them as to where the next level of inner work is to deepen connection even more. With this approach there is a steady flow of energy back and forth, an infinity shaped figure 8, between the inner world of individual and the outer world of the coupling.
There are many layers to this type of relating and of course the above example is a simplistic one. What is important is that when two people who are committed to their own personal growth agree to support and hold each other accountable to walking along the spiritual path- one step at a time- the journey becomes much lighter, easier and in-joy-able.
As a conscious couple, walking the path of conscious parenting and creating conscious community, we invite you to come along!
Bob and Amelia have been on the spiritual path for 12 years together, searching for tools to help ease and harmonize the awakening of others.
If you are:
– At a crossroads on your spiritual journey.
– A couple looking to deepen your connection
– Confused about your purpose
– Wanting to bring more love or partner into your life
– Feeling stuck or frustrated
Contact us for a session 707-799-9605 www.ameliabelle.net http://www.paradigmshiftsonoma.com
May/June 2015
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